Mahogany Misfit

It's been almost a month since I posted...I know.

See, what had happened was...

Seemingly overnight, I developed a big time eye calamity and my vision was severely impacted.

Folks, my right eye was effed up something serious. It looked terrible and my vision was worsening by the day.

I honestly thought I was going blind and had NO idea why.

Well, when I visited my eye specialist he told me the problem was due to contact lense wear and put the kibosh on my use of contacts (ugh I have to wear my lame ass glasses and look like a goddamn librarian), and gave me these prescription eye drops that I had to use 4 times a fucking day...OMG it was pure HELL.

About 5 minutes after putting the drops in my eye, I could TASTE the medicine in the back of my throat and it was like being poisoned with something toxic and horrible!

The first time I experienced this, I clutched my throat and nearly keeled over.

Bastards didn't tell me that would happen.

Ugh, so anyway, my eye issue was causing my vision to be super blurry (my vision a few weeks ago had deteriorated to 20/70 when it's usually 20/25!). I was like friggen Ray Charles over here, I'm telling you!

This condition was also causing my eye to get REALLY fatigued after a few hours of computer use, so you KNOW the last thing I wanted to do after a long day on the computer at work was come home and blog.

That just wasn't gonna happen.

Anyway, I'm not deceased...I wasn't killed in a shooting at PP. I haven't started my volunteer work yet but will be in the next few weeks.

I'm excited despite what I heard about some of the more "passionate" protesters.

(I'll tell ya later.)

In any case, during my time off I've been contemplating a few things.

I've been feeling like I want to take the blog in a different direction and am not quite sure on how to revamp it.

I want to blog about things that make me think, books I've read, things that matter to women, things that matter to Black women, things that are happening in the world.

All of that stuff.

Not to say that I don't do this to an extent (especially lately), but a lot of the older posts here are uninspired and immature as far as I'm concerned.

I look at some of my old posts and honestly, some of it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I mean, it is THAT cringe worthy for me to read most of my archives.

What the hell am I even talking about on here half the time?

It annoyed me so much to read them that I went on a "delete-spree" this past weekend and got rid of a few...and I expect to pare down even more.

It's somewhat hard to evolve and mature when all of your shitty relationships, and bullshittery in general are right here in your blog archives taunting you.

At least for me it is.

I wonder if this happens to every blogger who has been writing for a number of years?

You look back at old shit you wrote and say to yourself "why did I infect the blogosphere with this tripe?"

Oh well, it's a sign of growth I guess.

I guess I want to be able to read my own work, from start to finish and feel it reflects where I am now ya know. Screw the past.

I still want this to be a place where I can talk about my own experiences and life but not have it be so heavily ME based. Why? Because "ME" is a highly flawed work in progress and I don't think all of my stupid experiences and ideas are really worth reading anymore.

After reading some of what I've written over the years, I just realize that some shit is better left untyped.

If you are a blogger, you probably know EXACTLY what I mean.

Anyway, that's the end of my check-in. Expect a post from me by Friday on something I SHOULD have talked about on this blog a while ago. I feel really outspoken after this long hiatus and have a lot to get off my chest.