Mahogany Misfit

And I don't mean they're dying.

They're getting hit with lesbian fever!

Whoo!

Recently, I discovered that another one of my cousins is now dating a woman.

This is my fourth female relative to do so in the last four or five years.

Fuck what the song says, it is clearly raining WOMEN, not men!

They all seem very happy to be with women too, which is good.

I'm in total support of finding happiness where you can...single, attached, gay, straight, whatever.

However, as my readers know, I like analyzing things and the more I see women turning to other women, the more questions I have.

Like...is female sexuality more fluid than male sexuality? Are women more "flexible" regarding who we fall in love with?

I ask because my cousin who just starting dating a woman, was always PENIS CRAZY in the past.

Like me, she has always had great affinity for dick.

So when she showed me photos of her girlfriend, I nearly fell off my fucking chair! It was a HUGE shock to me.

It shook my whole world up.

And then I smiled because they looked beautiful together and very happy.

But I'm still confused as to how exactly this happened!

So I asked her.

The reasoning she gave was essentially this:

After being involved with men since adolescence, she realized that while sexually attracted to them, she still wasn't getting all of her relationship needs met on a mental and emotional level. All of her closest emotional bonds were with women (hello: MY LIFE!) and soon her emotional needs overwhelmed her physical desires. Once she met an out lesbian woman who pursued her, she developed emotional feelings that turned sexual, which is the reverse of how her relationships with men evolved. Those always began as physical and later turned emotional but still lacked the kind of support she desired. She decided she prefered the former to the latter and now considers herself bi-sexual since she still retains a sexual attraction to men.

What do you guys think about this?

I'm still processing this whole thing, but what I do identify with is the strong emotional ties to women.

I've said on this blog many a time, that I love women and have acknowledged that my relationships with women have enriched my life in immeasurable ways.

I need women to get by in life, I'll admit it.

If every woman on this Earth died tomorrow, leaving me all alone, would I go on a sex spree with all of the hot, newly available men?

The thought is momentarily attractive but the answer is NO! I WOULD KILL MYSELF!

Like I said, I need women, man.

I don't think that's out of the ordinary either. I was reading a study a while back that stated that married men are more likely than married women to report that their spouse is their best friend.

Who are the wives identifying as their best friends?

OTHER WOMEN!

It all adds up now...

In my life, I have ONE good male friend who I LOVE (shout out to D in case he's reading this), but if I cry about something to him or express any type of emotional distress about something, this is his standard response (and this is taken verbatim from one of our email exchanges):

"Maaaan, you all sensitive with that femininity and junk. Calm down."

HA! I am so serious, that is how he responds.

Now, if I express that same distress to a female friend, she cries with me! My distress level is matched! She is now just as distraught as I am and feels my pain as if it were her own.

Seriously, sometimes I text my women friends and we are literally crying about something that happened to each other VIA TEXT MESSAGE.

It's beautiful, don't hate.

Maybe it sounds crazy but that is fucking great. To know that someone is there to cry with you and for you...to have someone who feels what you feel is a really comforting thing.

I have to say, women are the only source of that for me (except for my Dad).

There are just some things that you can get more easily from women and yes it's a generalization, but we are socialized to more readily provide compassion and emotional support than men.

I honestly wish it weren't that way but that's the hand we've been dealt.

Thanks patriarchy and traditional gender roles!

I'd love to have more men in my life that I could call up and engage in tear filled conversations with, where we are both exposing our souls and consoling one another.

But yeah, not holding my breath.

So, on one hand it makes PERFECT sense to me that my cousin has chosen to be in a relationship where that is less of an obstacle.

I have to say, I don't think it's "impossible" per se to find a man who is equipped with the skills to provide this but I do think it's exceedingly difficult.

Personally, I wonder all the time whether or not I will ever be in a relationship with a man where all of my emotional needs are met.  The older I get, the more I doubt this is a possibility. I think looking back on most of my relationships, I have done what a lot of women seem to do...try having sex as a way to generate true intimacy with men, and then simply accept men's emotional limits and try to make it work with them anyway.

*Psst, it hasn't worked!* 

My cousin has decided to take a different road.

Part of me wonders whether I could do the same though. I have some reason to believe that women possess a more fliud sexuality than men, but I'm not exactly positive about that.

I often joke with my friends that I am a "lesbian in spirit" since I am in such platonic love with most of the women in my life, but an actual lesbian experience eludes me.

I've never had a sexual desire for women. For years, my lesbian friends have extolled the benefits of sex with women to me, but I haven't felt sexually tempted by that.

When I think of a vagina, I think about MY VAGINA. I have never imagined someone else's.

Now, when I think of penis, a few things start to happen:

-My mouth waters- TOTALLY ON IT'S OWN ACCORD, I SWEAR!

-My lady parts salivate- again, I have no control over this!!!

That's pretty much it, but you get what I'm saying. Thinking of penis provokes a physical response that I have no control over.

Mmm. Penis. Yummy.

While thinking of women in general brings up warm, positive feelings in my subconscious, it doesn't bring forth sexual ones. I can't really even imagine touching a woman's body in a sexual way.

My cousin explains this was the same for her a few years ago, UNTIL she met the right woman. Now she is emotionally and sexually fulfilled.

Yep, she, the former penis addict, likes sex with a girl...apparently a whole bunch.

She says not to knock it til you try it? Hmph, must be one of those things you just have to "dive into"?

Don't ask me.

So, basically I'm as confused as ever. Does this mean that maybe we all have the potential to go lesbo for the right woman, even IF we lack the general sexual attraction to women?

The crazy thing is, I could totally see myself "dating" a woman. Hell, don't all straight women essentially "date" one another in close friendships?

This is what I do with my closest friends: We go places together. We hug each other all the time. We have deep conversations. We say "I love you". We send one another cards and flowers on special occasions.

We are intimate in every way, other than sexually.

Sounds a whole lot like dating to me so by that standard, I am a womanizer almost! I've dated lots of women...whoooo and I like it!

Could a lesbian relationship be based solely on that? If so, sign me up!

Joking.

Sorta.

But on a serious note, it seems to me that it's becoming more commonplace for once "straight" women to enter into romantic relationships with other women stemming from dissatisfaction with male/female relationships. (This could be just my perception, which is why I wote "seems").

Is it insulting to "real lesbians" that more women seem to be dating other women as a way to escape the trials and tribulations of dating men, or do they understand and on some level, relate?

So many questions...