Mahogany Misfit

So I got at least 5 emails today from friends/readers about the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna situation and I wasn't planning to blog about it since this isn't a "celebrity gossip" blog but a) I needed a break from my packing obligations and b) women experiencing violence shouldn't be an off limits topic. Even for my often frivolous, self indulgent blog.

As more information floods the internet about the possibility that she was kicked, bitten, punched, etc., I can't help but feel really sick to my stomach about the whole debacle. 

And no, we don't know the full details of what happened between the two, beautiful, heavily idolized pop stars last night. But if it resembles anything like what I've witnessed in the past, it's inexcusable.

Someone on Jezebel quoted some excerpts from Chris Brown's interview with Tyra Banks a while back in which he recounted enduring a childhood mired in domestic violence. His mother was abused by his stepfather and it scarred him psychologically. He wet the bed until he was 13-14 years old because he couldn't help her.

That saddens me wholly. For him to have experienced this as a kid and been so vocal about the pain this caused him as child...to see himself now in the abuser role and perpetuating this cycle is probably profoundly shameful, sad, and frightening, and I empathize.

But still, I'm a woman. And as a woman, I know realistically that every day of my life holds the risk of some man taking out his anger on me physically. And I consider myself to be a strong, empowered woman who doesn't take any bullshit from men and will react QUICKLY (see Lorena Bobbit, "The Burning Bed" etc. for how I would react) but even that doesn't matter. Nearly every woman is vulnerable to the initiation of some sort of domestic violence. No matter how empowered or strong, a man could choose to take out physical aggression out on ANY of us. Even seemingly innocent looking, sweet natured men can't be written off as harmless. It's for that reason alone that I can't be silent over the issue.

I DO believe in innocent until proven guilty and will have to wait like everyone else for more information but at this point, it's fairly safe to say that something of a violent nature obviously occurred and it's really upsetting.

While no one close to me (friends or family) has experienced physical domestic violence (that I know of), I did have a neighbor three years ago who was a constant victim of her boyfriend's vicious, frightening attacks and it kept me up at night more than once.

Those of you who were readers of my very first blog will probably remember the posts I dedicated to that situation! Countless times I called the police on her behalf, myself in tears because of what I heard through those walls.

It's something that has definitely stuck with me and maybe that's why I get so voracious over the subject of women being battered.

I remember one afternoon in particular, I was in my bedroom on the computer when I heard an ear-piercing scream outside. I cracked open my blinds to see my neighbor, who was holding her 4 year old son, getting slapped and pushed by her boyfriend in broad daylight. We're talking 2pm. I witnessed him pulling her hair out, ripping her shirt, and attempting to drag her across the yard. All while she was holding her child who was crying hysterically and had the worst look of terror on his poor little face. I was horrified and honestly pretty much paralyzed and frozen for a moment.

Fingers trembling, I dialed 911 to report the situation. Unfortunately while I was on the phone, her punk ass boyfriend snatched her car keys from her purse and drove off in her car.

I was really upset but of course in true drama queen fashion I screamed to the 911 operator "Tell the cops to hurry the assailant is getting awaaaaayyyy!" I described him in full detail (right down to the hat on his damn head!) and told her what kind of car he hightailed it off in.

But he was never caught. Hours later he was back and the violence escalated.

Somewhere around 3am, I was awoken by his loud banging on her door and bellowing screams for her to let him in. I honestly think he was using a weapon or something to knock on the door because it was much to intense to be done by a mere fist.

He banged and pounded and screamed.

I called 911. Again. Hoping she wouldn't answer the door..."let him keep knocking, don't open the door" I repeated over and over in my mind.

After a moment though, she did.

I heard the door open, and the next thing to piece my ears was a smack delivered so hard I heard it from my bed.

He forced his way into her apartment and immediately started throwing furniture against walls and breaking things. When I tell you this woman was screaming her head off, I am not exaggerating. Seriously I have never heard anyone scream like that in my entire life. I was in tears...it was awful.

I'm pleading with 911 and telling them to hurry the fuck up and get a damn paddy-wagon, a SWAT team, or some other type of big shit out here because the dude in the apartment sounds as if he is going to murder this woman. Her kids are in there, for chrissakes.

Fucking Phoenix PD gets there 10-12 minutes later (I was looking out of my window the whole time waiting for their asses) so I threw on a robe and crept outside to tell them what had been going on. They asked me if they were both still inside and I told them yes.

Well, let me tell you, the police knocked on that door for a good 15 minutes and she would not answer.

Luckily the Phoenix PD are some persistent folks and would NOT go away. They knocked and knocked and knocked. Finally my neighbor came to the door and the police started giving her the 3rd degree. They told her they saw someone come to the peephole and walk away 15 minutes ago and they didn't appreciate being ignored. Of course I was at my window listening to everything. 

Anyway, she made up some excuse about not getting the door (I couldn't hear what it was) and the cops were NOT buying it. They told her they had gotten domestic disturbance calls about them before and wanted to speak to her boyfriend. Well, rather than give up her sorry ass man who I'm sure was in the apartment HIDING like the bitch he is, she lied to the cops and said he left! It took every bit of restraint in me not to open the door and plead the contrary but somehow I managed.

It was very hard though. I couldn't believe she was protecting him. My tears gave way to anger in a nanosecond. 

I can't say these officers weren't persistent though. They've obviously had good training because they told her they didn't believe he was gone and asked her to let them come in and look around to make sure everything was OK. Predictably though, she said NO and due to the fact that they didn't have a warrant, they couldn't enter her apartment. They all but begged to come in and look around but she refused.

I was so  disappointed and disgusted. Disgusted that she would lie to protect HIM but do nothing to protect her own life or her children's lives, and disgusted that the police's hands were completely tied. It made me so fucking mad. Even though logically I understand that women often protect their abusers and that the police can't just waltz into your home without a warrant, I WANTED IT TO BE DIFFERENT. 

I wanted them to barge the fuck in there to find and arrest that abusing piece of cock snot. I wanted her to be relieved to see the police, and cry to them, and throw open her door and beg them to please save her from this man who terrorizes her children's lives and violates her property and her body regularly with his unrelenting abuse.

But none of that happened.

And none of that happens EVERY DAY in domestic violence situations.

And the world is a shitty, fucked up place for it and I am incensed just thinking about it.

I sincerely hope I'm not alone.