Mahogany Misfit

First let me just say, I LOVE my new job. There are one or two things I would change if I could, but in general it is perfect and I am very, very happy for the first time in a long time.

However, there are two douchebags in the office having an affair and they are starting to piss me off with their tomfoolery.

OK so this is the deal- the girl is an entry level analyst in another area of my department (I know she's no older than 21 or 22) and the guy is in his 30's and in the department next to ours.

Now, one day I walked into the break room to get some yogurt and I walked in on them in what seemed to be an "intimate moment". Their faces were THISCLOSE and they looked as if they were about to suck each other's lips off!

UGH! I felt so icky walking in on that!

So I told my friend/co-worker about it and she said they are totally having an affair and everyone has caught on to it because at the company Christmas party, the two of them left together shortly after it began.

Presumably to go fuck!

So imagine my surprise when one day, the guy brings his dog into the office...and let me just preface this by saying that the dog had to smell me and everyone else before he would allow us to pet him...but when it came to her, the dog jumped right on her as if they'd known each other for years.

Um cause she's probably been at his house a hundred times fucking and sucking his daddy, DUH!

So whatever, now it's obvious and clear that these two are involved.

Well, one afternoon I'm headed toward the door to go home and these two walk past me HOLDING HANDS.

In the office!

I was like WHUT???

Seriously who does that?

And let me go ahead and admit that I have been sexually involved with a co-worker before. Those of you who were readers of my last two blogs know all about my former Latin lover "Mr. G", and our lengthy relationship. It all began while we were co-workers.

I am all for gettin' it where you can but the difference is, he and I had the decency and the professionalism to keep that shit on the DL and not flaunt it!!!

Duh...office affair = SECRET.

I will cut the girl some slack because she is young and this is likely her 1st foray into the corporate world, but her boyfriend? His old ass should know better!

Now, fast forward to last Tuesday morning. It was inauguration day and since our lounge has a huge plasma TV, I decided to watch it in there instead of on my laptop.

I brought a handful of tissues in with me, (because I knew it would be emotional for me and that I would cry because I CRY AT EVERYTHING) and made myself comfy.

Just as The King of America President was about to be sworn in, these two feely motherfuckers bust in on my private moment with our new King President and start groping one another. She was rubbing his shoulders...he was massaging her neck...ewww I think they were about to start dry-humping! It was highly inappropriate.

What the shit is fucking wrong with these two? Get a room freaky bastards! This is your place of employment, not the goddamn Motel 6.

Just as I was about to tell them how unprofessional they were and how uncomfortable I was, a more senior colleague came in to watch with us so I decided to leave it alone.

Can you believe that though? I am very surprised and appalled that these people are so cavalier about showing affection in the workplace. Why would you engage in that sort of behavior in front of a co-worker? These asshats must be exhibitionists or something.

I have no shame in being sex-crazed and horny in my private life but I have boundaries with regard to how I behave in public, and especially at work. I am PC, professional, and a total conformist when I'm at work. I had presumed most people operate the same way, but clearly I am mistaken.

Do these humpy motherfuckers have no sense of professional decency and respectability???