Mahogany Misfit

Did anyone catch the episode of Oprah two weeks ago Friday where she and Sex Therapist, Dr. Laura Berman were giving sex advice to couples?

If you did, you'll remember that Dr. Berman introduced a new vibrator (from her own line) called "The Aphrodite"(aka "the sure thing").

Well, even though I recently bought a new Hitachi, (to replace the one that died on me after 8 years) I was intrigued about The Aphrodite.

Cause I love vibrators!!!

What also intrigued me about The Aphrodite is that it's very similar in design to the Hitachi and everyone knows Hitachi has been taking women to orgasmville for a hundred years or something!

Well, imagine my surprise when I hit up the website to purchase this brightly colored contraption and it was sold the eff out! It's on "mass back order".

Apparently, Oprah's orgasm hungry audience snatched them all up!

Horny Bitches. 

It does piss me off because I'd like to build up my "toy collection" since I am taking a break from men until further notice!

I am definitely going to need more than one vibrator during this self-imposed dick recession.

I peeped my calendar the other day and I have been celibate since November 30th...and I must be really fed up with men because I do not miss dick AT ALL.

Yet.

Wonder how long that'll last?

It's surprising because 2008 was a very um "active" year for me and yes, I had some of the best sex of my life last year...and lots of it!

But regretably, for me good sex seems to come with big headaches for some reason. The men who are the hottest in bed are the biggest pain in the ass IMO.

I don't have a particular time frame in mind for this little celibacy thing, it'll be over when I'm ready to deal with men again and that will be NO TIME SOON.

The last time I allowed myself to be celibate was in 2000. I had broken up with Brandon, the love of my life and I was all fucked up. I was so young and lame and our break-up left me a complete disaster. At 20 years old I thought I'd never date again and didn't WANT to be with another man.

I was so dramatic.

I stayed celibate until 2002 and had lots of Hitachi time during those two years! It was kinda nice actually.

Not that I think this will last two years though...I doubt that. Any bets from the audience on how long my legs will stay shut to the opposite sex?

Is anyone else out there doing the celibacy thing? What is the longest you've gone without sex? Does anyone wanna join me in swearing off sex until these silly motherfuckers can act right????