Mahogany Misfit

For some odd reason, the guy I'm dating asked me to move in with him last week and it freaked me the fuck out. Like bad.

It's a week later and I'm still freaked out by the mere notion of living with someone.

I know there are sensible reasons people choose to shack up...like saving money, and I know EVERYONE is doing it these days but it's just not for me.

The idea of sharing my home and essentially MY LIFE with someone is incredibly distressing for me.

I don't know if it's a phase I'm going through or if this is just how I'm wired. I just enjoy my alone time too much. I love having my place to myself. I like coming home to an empty house where everything is mine. I love just about every aspect of living alone.

Sure it would be nice to have a guy around to kill bugs, help me carry groceries and heavy shit into my apartment, fix shit when it breaks, and take out the trash but that's about it. Oh and to fuck me too.

Still, I can't imagine how drastically my life would change if I had to live with someone...there are a lot of perks I enjoy right now and losing them would be devastating!

Here are some things that come to mind...

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My toilet seat is always down

I can easily go an entire weekend without combing my hair

Having full conversations with my cats with no one around to judge me

Being ass naked around the house or blogging in my bra and panties without getting groped and humped on

Playing with my hitachi magic wand in broad daylight on the living room sofa

Peeing with the bathroom door wide open

Sharing my bed with two petite felines every night instead of a 250lb guy

Watching The Young and the Restless on DVR and screaming shit like "Goddamn you Victor Newman!!!" with no one around to laugh at me

Controlling my own remote with no one trying to switch the channel to "Sportscenter"

No one's ever around to make fun of me for crying my face off every time that Sarah McLaughlin ASPCA commercial comes on with all the kitties and puppies caged up making sad eyes at the camera

Doing my corny ass "Walk Away The Pounds 4 Mile Super Challenge" DVD in the living room in horrendous workout clothes in total solitude

Engaging in high maintenance activities such as: examining my pores with a hand mirror, tweezing my brows on the sofa for an hour, followed by two hours of exfoliating and giving myself green mint face mask treatments... all without someone around making me feel vain and shallow

Doing choreographed dance routines to my cheesetastic collection of 80's jams on iTunes and singing "I've got a meeting in the ladies room...I'll be back real soon!" every single time I'm about to go pee

Spending my Sunday nights watching estrogen infused shows like Desperate Housewives, a weeks worth of Oprah on DVR, and The L Word

Being able to watch my fave gay man shows "Queer As Folk" and Noah's Arc" without some lame guy sitting next to me going "ewwwwww" every time two boys kiss on camera

Sorry but this is stuff I have no interest in giving up for a guy.