Mahogany Misfit

Last week, I discussed how my bootycall arrangement with J went bad, this week it's all about T and his jacked up, funky ass ways.

Remember this post?

How T thought it was all intriguing yet bothersome that I hadn't pursued him after our first ridiculously hot sex session? Well, he's still carrying around that attitude and has even accused me of being an anomaly when it comes to women.

Let me start at the beginning.

One night about a month and a half ago, T and I were flirting via IM. He was working on a project for school and made a comment about how he'd rather be "getting into me" than his boring ass school work.

I teased him about being a "sexy nerd", since he has two master's degrees and is now working on his Ph.D, and made the half joking comment that since he was too busy with homework, I'd have to call in the "reserves" for some sexual healing.

Now I say I was only half joking because I was kinda serious about just hooking up with J that night if T wasn't able to get away.

I have other options, this is how the cookie crumbles. Didn't expect the comment to be a problem but it was.

So T responds with "That would be a funny, appropriate comment if you weren't a woman."

Uh...huh?

Me:": Wait...what? If I weren't a woman? You lost me. Explain please."

Him:"Well" he began, "this is the problem I see with women these days. You guys are set on competing with men on who can have the most fuck buddies. Women have the goal to be just like men nowadays."

Me:"The fuck? Women who choose to have more than one sexual option are trying to be like men? That's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard."

Him:"Look, the fact is I never told you I was fucking anyone else so why would you tell me that unless you're trying to spark some kind of competition?"

Is this a joke? Tell me he's kidding.

Me:"Competiton BETWEEN WHO? You and I agreed this was a NSA, non-committal relationship from the get go. You have school and you travel for work ALL THE FUCKING TIME while I'm pretty much anchored here in Phoenix. I see you once a month, twice if we're lucky. OF COURSE I have sexual options other than you! Why is that a problem?"

Him:"I didn't say it was a problem" he replied. "It just makes sense now. You're pre-occupied most of the time and we're not in contact often and now I can see why."

OK, this is crazy. I'm pre-occupied? Well I do have a life! And the reason we aren't in contact often is again because I don't chase or tie myself to men and T doesn't initiate contact with ME often, so why would I bust my ass to keep in constant contact with him?

Here's my impression at this stage in our IM:

1. T is perturbed that I don't put a lot of effort into him.

2. The idea that I don't put effort into him AND I'm fucking someone else pisses him off.

3. T has an antiquated idea that women don't have the right to be as "free with their sexuality" as men.

What the fuck ever right?

Me:"You know what T? YOU were the one who told me a few months ago that you were "laid back" when it comes to relationships. Now you're calling me out for being "pre-occupied" and for not "keeping in contact with you often"? That's not a very "laid back" approach brotha. Have I ever expressed concern over your failure to keep in touch with me on a regular basis? Have I gotten salty over the possibility that you may be fucking someone other than me? The answers to those questions is NO."

I mean seriously. This is asinine.

Him:"I'm not trying to piss you off, I was just making some observations. And right about now my thought is FUCK this school shit, I want you and I'm on my way over there right now."

With that, he logged off leaving me more puzzled than ever.

boys r so confusing AND FULL OF SHIT.

My first thought was...he's only coming over here to make sure I don't hook up with J. DUH. Does he think I'm stupid? I see right through his transparent ass motives!

But hey, his determination to have me to himself will undoubtedly benefit me in the form of multiple orgasms so at this point, what the hell do I care? I'm in this for sex dammit!

He arrived less than an hour later and we had angry hot sex.

It was great.

Fast forward to a week later...I'm on Messenger chatting up my friend D, from back East, when T logs on. I typed a quick hello message to him and BAM- he logged off.

Hmm weird but whatever. I went back to my convo with D and didn't think much of it...

Two weeks after that it happened again. My attempt to greet T was met with an abrupt log off.

So since our last fling in late September, I haven't gotten an IM, text, email, or phone call. If we're online at the same time, neither of us says a peep but usually he takes the wussy way out and logs off.

Uh oh, someone's trying to send me a passive aggressive message!

Too bad I don't give a shit and have already replaced both him and J with a new guy, R...I'll tell you about that later though.

*Sigh*

Seriously a man approaching 40 years old is at the passive aggressive stage now? I've proven myself not to be under his thumb so he has no further use for me? Realllly.

I thought I was past the stage of dealing with men like this.

You know...men who are threatened by women who aren't restrictive with their sexuality. Men who get pissy when they're pursued by a woman but are EVEN PISSIER when they AREN'T pursued by that same woman. Men who think that THEY have a license to fuck two people at once but when a woman does it she is "trying to be like a man".

Yeah, you know, insecure, double standard having men boys like that.

I'll end this post with a kick ass blurb from one of my favorite writers over at Salon, Cary Tenis.

Taken from last week's column "He's Ramping Up The Pressure, But I Don't Want To Commit".

"Imagine being an independent, self-sufficient woman with a number of relationships whose intensity and duration are negotiated according to the shifting needs and circumstances of the individuals involved. What's wrong with that kind of life?

So I suggest that you declare yourself unabashedly, consciously, deliberately single. Not single until the right man comes along. Not single as a regrettable consequence of a series of failed relationships. Not single as in poor lonesome spinster who can't land a man. Single as in free, self-sufficient, independent, committed to growth, happy and OK with who I am. Single as in maybe I'm free tonight and maybe I'm not. Single as in I control my own time. Single as in I have choices. Single as in I like you a lot and I will try to meet you halfway but this is my bed and I have to be somewhere in the morning."

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.